scaredy cat

i went to a seminar for women tonight. it was all about desires. i have desires. i know i do. and i know they are there and i know what they are.

what did i learn from this seminar?

i’m a big, fat, scaredy cat.

it’s true.

i have a desire to be in a love affair with Jesus. but i am so scared of getting hurt (i realize i’m saying i’m scared to get hurt by the one person that would NEVER hurt me) that i don’t let myself fall in love with him. i am so scared of being rejected, being made to feel inadequate and not good enough, and being let down, that i am missing out on the greatest love relationship of my entire life!

i want to love God so much but i am so, so scared, it’s as if i can’t. he is the one and only person that will never, ever make me feel any of those things and yet i’m still scared.

my little human heart and mind just needs to let go. this ridiculous craving for control is ruining the best thing that is ever going to happen to me!

God, i pray that every day you show me your love for me. and that every time i feel scared to let you in, you knock down that door so hard i get the wind knocked outta me!